It's a little depressing to look back on old blog posts and see how excited I was about being almost done with Nocti's ocean tilesheet a year ago. I feel like a broken record, but it was not supposed to take me this long to finish. I'm about to have a whole lot of free time for Nocti and other projects, since my last day of work is tomorrow. So the goal of having the next update come out at the end of this year/beginning of next year is still possible? 

It hasn't sunk in yet that my job of 5 years is ending in one day. I honestly believed I would work there forever. At least... before the hourly budget got Metal Gear Rising'd into itty bitty slices. I'm going to miss the employee discount on wires and cables. The mark up on those things are criminal. 

I'm not planning on looking for a job during the Holiday season. That probably sounds like the stupidest thing you've ever heard, and maybe it is. But I somehow ended up in a position where my monthly SSI benefits are enough to pay off my one big piece of debt and still give my family rent. Telling Social Services that I'm unemployed will raise the amount I get too, so I might even get to have spending money left over. 

Being able to survive off of benefits gives me survivors guilt, lol. I don't know what I did to get everything I have, and it doesn't feel fair when so many people with worse issues than me get denied again and again. I suspect it was due to the privilege of my skin tone and my loved ones doing all the hard work while I bumbled around unaware. Like a scene in a movie where the protagonist stands in one spot and the world fast forwards around them. Taking my good fortune for granted would be equivalent to spitting in their faces, so I won't do that. Even if I have to live by the Soup Faerie's rules. 

Putting that mental anguish aside, I decided to say "fuck it" and am giving up on my shrimp tank's java moss. It was green for a week or two and then turned into a tumble weed on me despite the rest of the tank plants thriving. I'll probably grab a small tank soon as a nursery/hospice for the poor thing and replace it with Christmas moss and some more anubias nanas. Might as well use my last paycheck on some fancy plants. 

Having the next couple of months off of any work related duties is going to be interesting. I'm going to try to work on my projects, get more exercise, and clean up/organize parts of the house. Falling into a depressive slump is my biggest concern, but I'll have my boyfriend to help me get through it. Here goes nothing...

Current Mood: Hopefully Optimistic